The goal of this article is to help you remove the myths and fears about rejection so that you can just go for it!
Change Perceptions – Eliminate Fears
By changing our perceptions, we can eliminate the fears and misconceptions that block us from reaching out to potential partners. Accepting a new point of view can change our perceptions. The result is confidence and poise.
The fear of rejection is the most powerful predator of confidence. Somehow we have been programmed to believe that if we approach someone we find attractive, and they reject us, we should feel bad. We do this without considering the vast number of circumstances that may exist in that person’s life, which has caused them to respond as they did, that has nothing whatsoever to do with us!
Instead, we tell ourselves, “Something must be wrong with me.” “They don’t like me.” “I’m not pretty enough.” “I’m not handsome enough.” “I’m too short.” “I’m too tall.” “I’m too fat.” “I’m too skinny.” Or “I approached them wrong.” “I came on too strong.” “I came on too weak.” These issues are rarely true of the person or the cause for rejection!
Deactivate Rejection Mathematically
Consider this. Mathematically, the chance of you coming into contact with someone, where favorable circumstances and mutual attraction exists, is probably at least 100 to 1 (one) or greater. In most situations, you do not have pre-existing knowledge of the person or their current status, mood, likes, dislikes, etc. And you’re not expected to. Consider all the possible circumstances that might exist for those you may approach:
- They’re married.
- They’re engaged.
- They have a boy/girl friend.
- They just had a fight with their boy/girl friend.
- They just broke up with their boy/girl friend.
- They just got separated.
- They just got a divorce.
- They’re not ready for a relationship right now.
- They just got fired from their job.
- They’re dealing with a serious personal problem.
- They’re having a bad hair day.
- They’ve got a big zit on their face that they can’t get it off their mind.
- Your life isn’t messed up enough for them to feel comfortable around you.
- You’re not emotionally screwed up enough for them to feel at ease with you.
You see how it has nothing to do with you most of the time? Sure, there is the issue of attraction, and maybe you don’t fit their criteria for an ideal partner, but there is probably an equal number who do not fit yours as well! So why not just consider it a numbers game: the more you try, and the more rejections you accumulate, the closer you will be to reaching your target!
Neutralize Rejection & Improve Your Aim
By changing the way we interpret and label acts of rejection, we can further neutralize its effect. Instead of reacting to it as a rejection, why not reverse it and respond to it with a reflection. In other words, you’ve discovered their intent and you move on (reflect) unaffected, knowing that you’ve advanced one step closer to your target.
You can, however, reduce the number of rejections that you experience by improving your aim. Do this by becoming more observant of a person’s non-verbal manner and body language. This would include their facial expression, eye movement, stance, and selected location within a particular environment. Do they appear open to interaction, or are they closed, shy, or just presenting a public image? Do they respond to your eye contact by smiling, or are they trying to make eye contact with you? Do they present themselves as available, unavailable, or just preoccupied? Are they standing in a way that invites interaction, or are they in a deep conversation with a friend?
Don’t worry about middle ground appearances, and don’t try to figure it out. If the situation shows potential, go for it! If you are not sure, go for it, anyway. If it clearly appears uninviting, move on. Don’t waste time thinking too much about it. Just go with your gut instincts!
Different Approaches Same Courage
Men and women approach the opposite sex differently. They both require courage, and the objective is the same (for that moment), but the method is totally different. Men are more direct. They approach women with an obvious intent. They may try to start a conversation with a line, a comment, or a question. Eventually, they may ask for a phone number or advance right to the main objective and ask for a date. Approaching women and asking for a date is where men need to develop more courage.
Women, however, are less direct, which most men appreciate, but they are much more advanced in the skills of relationship and communication. Some may be bold enough to approach a man with a line, comment, or question, but they would probably hide their intent. From this point on is where the real differences come into play. (Some inside secrets are coming up guys, so pay attention!) Women make themselves noticeable and alluring to men who interest them. The number of alluring tactics that a woman employs depends on the circumstances, her level of interest in the man, and the strength of her self-confidence.
Making eye contact, smiling, and being more alluring is where women need to develop more courage. It is with these signals that women can show that they are available and interested. And as with men in approaching women, there is the risk of being rejected!
Some of the best men and women are those who have limited dating experience and therefore lack the confidence to make eye contact, smile, and approach or be alluring to someone who interests them. So by acquiring these skills yourself, you may find a previously undiscovered treasure!
If both men and women would fortify themselves with the assurance that it is just a numbers game and that they will respond with a reflection and not react by feeling rejection, they will have more dates than they can handle! I guarantee it!