Date duds are dates that are a failure due to a variety of reasons. If you have dated a number of people, you have certainly had a few date duds.
There are many causes for date duds. Understanding these can increase your rate of success and fun on your dates. Here are some of the most common.
You do not know what you want.
If you do not have a precise image of the characteristics, attributes, and qualities you want in a romantic partner, then the chances of making a meaningful connection are almost nil. You have to sit down and make a list of this information so that you can establish a definitive image of your ideal partner in your conscious and subconscious mind.
If you don’t do this, you’ll probably find yourself on a lot of dates that you quickly discover are a bad match.
You rely on others to pick dates for you.
No one including your mother, sister, brother, or best friend has the ability to pick a good match for you. These well-meaning people simply do not have your internal life experience and genetic makeup to draw from. They only have their own and that’s usually what you end up with – a person who more closely satisfies their needs than yours.
I’ve never had a date that someone “setup” for me that was successful. I knew within the first few minutes of the date that we were a bad match. Interestingly, the most dominant issue was usually not finding them the least bit attractive.
Learn to trust your own instincts on finding a suitable match.
You have low standards.
Instead of being selective, you go out with anyone who comes along.
Regardless of your situation, going out with a person who doesn’t align with your standards is a waste of time. I have found that it is impossible to have even a somewhat enjoyable date with a person who doesn’t align with my values.
Go for the gold! Bronze isn’t very exciting.
You are not ready for dating.
If you start dating before you’re prepared, you probably screw it up. This would be particularly disappointing if you met a person who you really like.
There are two circumstances where this usually happens. (1) You start dating too soon after a breakup. (2) You start dating when your life is out of control.
If you start dating right after a painful breakup, your unstable emotions and unreliable judgment will contaminate the relationship. Wait until you are completely stabilized before you begin dating.
If you’re emotionally frail, physically out of shape, socially inept, or financially in debt, you need to get these areas in order before you start dating. Not only would it be unfair to the person you’re dating, but to you as well. It would be unfair to you because you will likely attract a person who enables you to continue “down” the same unsuccessful path or one whose situation is like yours. 🙁
You have not planned the date well.
If you want to have an enjoyable experience that impresses your date, don’t try to wing it. Instead, work out every detail.
The need for good planning applies to both parties – the inviter and the invitee. I’ve arrived to pick up a date a few times when she wasn’t nearly ready to go or she was but clearly made no serious effort to look nice. This was especially disappointing if I had planned a special evening as you can imagine.
For a good time, plan your dates like a trip to an island paradise. 🙂
Don’t be a date dud collector. Fine-tune your dating skills by applying these suggestions. Then watch your date dud rate go down to nearly zero!