Do you keep finding yourself in unhealthy relationships where one or both of you are constantly making unreasonable and selfish demands on the other person? What do you think causes this? Are you trying to fill holes or soothe wounds in yourself? Are your partners doing this? Or are both of you doing this?
What type of person will you attract and be attracted to if you are unhappy, mentally fragile, and insecure?
What type of person will you attract and be attracted to if you are happy, mentally strong, and confident?
You probably know the answer to both of these questions. You will attract and be attracted to a person who is similar to you.
So how do you go about getting happy? I have found that it involves these four steps: Facing the truth, accepting and loving yourself, learning the secrets to successful living, and starting toward your dreams in spite of your fears. I’ll give you details on each of these next.
These principles are particularly important when you’re ready to find a quality long-term or permanent relationship. In between, it is okay to date, play the field, and seek companionship while you mature, grow, and develop along the way. But when you’re ready to settle down and find a person to share your life with, it’s important that you are happy, confident, and on track. Anything less would place an unfair burden on the other person, the relationship, and yourself.
Do not allow yourself to get stuck in a relationship that stops your growth or pushes you down. If need be, take a break from all romantic relationships until you’re standing strong on your own.
1. Face the Truth
This means facing the truth about your psychological, physical, financial, and social health. What things do you need to work on, develop, and change?
Facing the truth about yourself can be difficult and even painful. But you’ll be proud of how much courage and integrity you have shown afterward.
Here are a few books that may help.
- Live Your Truth by Kamal Ravikant
- You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay
- The Success Principles by Jack Canfield with Janet Switzer
- Having It All: Achieving Your Life’s Goals and Dreams by John Assaraf
2. Accept & Love Yourself
What things do you need to accept about yourself? What are the unique and perhaps quirky things you need to learn to accept, appreciate, and love in yourself?
Do you know anyone who is perfect in every way? Have you ever loved a perfect person? Were there not flaws and imperfections that you simply overlooked, ignored, or accepted in the person you loved? This is exactly how you need to treat yourself.
Here are a few classic books that might help you in this area.
- I Ain’t Much, Baby– But I’m All I’ve Got by Jess Lair Ph.D.
- How to Be Your Own Best Friend by Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz.
- Dare to Be Yourself by Alan Cohen
- Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant
3. Learn the Secrets of Successful Living
Unfortunately, we are not taught about the principles of successful living in school and we are not given an owner’s manual at birth. Parents are often too busy or too wrapped up in their own problems to devote much time to this topic. And many religious organizations preach the rules about being righteous and not as much about the principles of living a good life in today’s world.
Here are a few books that may be game changers for you.
- How Life Works by Andrew Matthews
- The Secret (Book) (Audio) (Video) by Rhonda Byrne (Video is best. BP)
- Life’s Operating Manual by Tom Shadyac
- Happiness in a Nutshell by Andrew Matthews
4. Start Toward Your Dreams in Spite of Fears
Stop waiting! Stop waiting for the courage. Stop waiting for inspiration. Stop waiting for motivation. Stop waiting for the perfect partner. All of these things come “after” you begin and follow through. They rarely, if ever, come before you begin.
Few powerful inspirational periods in life last long enough to create permanent change. Emotionally charged events like a breakup, a death, or a job loss can inspire you to begin long sought dreams, but you must be willing to follow through in spite of your fear!
Prepare yourself psychologically and physically, as an athlete does for a championship. Chart a course for the life of “your” dreams by deciding what you want in detail (goal setting), establishing your principles and boundaries, and then begin the journey! It is at this point that you’ll be ready to find a quality partner.
Here are a few books that may help.
- Feel the Fear… and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.
- Courage: Overcoming Fear and Igniting Self-Confidence by Debbie Ford & Wayne Dyer
- Courage: The Joy of Living Dangerously by Osho
- Key to Living the Law of Attraction: A Simple Guide to Creating the Life of Your Dreams by Jack Canfield & D.D. Watkins
Here’s the full list of recommended books.
Truth + Self Love + Knowledge + Courage = Happiness + Quality Relationships