Instead of immediately going after the ultimate goal of sex, a romantic relationship, or love start with, what I call, buddy dating. In other words, focus on becoming friends, and then see what happens.
This strategy takes the pressure off and allows for a more natural development of a friendship – if that is to be. You may find that a deep friendship is not possible, but a causal one is.
Not only does this approach remove the pressure, but it also eliminates the expectations and obligations that come with the traditional dating model. I’ll cover the advantages and benefits later.
Buddy Dating Arrangement
To establish a buddy dating agreement, just tactfully make a point of setting these boundaries by…
- Referring to them as your buddy or friend.
- Telling them upfront that you are not interested in dating per se, but rather just hanging out and having fun together.
- Asking them, “Do you want to go have lunch at Brad’s Veggie Delights? (like you would with a friend) and not “Can I take you to dinner on Saturday night?” (like you would with a date).
Advantages & Benefits
There are many clear advantages and benefits to this approach. Here are some of them.
- Removes the many pressures involved in early dating like concerns about being liked, kissing, and sex.
- Each person pays for their own food, movie, and all other expenses like friends do.
- Creates the conditions to build a true friendship.
- Provides time to get to know each other “before” any intimacy.
- Offers the chance to have the best sex possible by becoming close friends first and allowing time for attraction, romance, and need to build!
- Provides the opportunity to discuss sexual history, STD’s, and birth control. Most importantly, it also allows the time to get STD’s testing and birth control. A much higher level of sexual pleasure is only possible if your mind is clear of any worries about being infected by an STD or getting pregnant.
- Since you have no romantic commitment and you are not having sex, you’re free to have other buddy dating arrangements at the same time. (This issue should be made clear as part of your friendship agreement. BTW, this stipulation will not only enable you to shop around, but it will also encourage personal development and greater romantic intensity.
Regardless of your age (teen or 50+) and your appraisal of their character, I highly recommend you both get tested for STD’s (aka STI’s, sexually transmitted infections). FYI: Many government and school clinics offer STD’s testing and birth control for free or at a nominal charge.
Buddy Dating Rules
Having a clear understanding of the terms and conditions of your relationship will prevent problems. Here are the buddy dating rules.
- Complete honesty, respect, and courtesy are absolute requirements.
- Both buddies may have other dating buddies if they want.
- Buddy dating is not a friends with benefits arrangement. If your friendship develops into a romantic relationship, then it’s time to renegotiate your agreement. Suddenly allowing free sex among all dating buddies would be unsafe due to STD’s. If one partner wishes to do that, this is where complete honesty with your buddy comes into play.
- Jealous rants are not allowed.
- Intimate questions about other dating buddies are not allowed.
- Detailed questions about daily schedules and activities are not allowed.
- Obligations and expectations for particular activities, weekends, holidays, celebrations, and vacations follow the (good & healthy) friendship model — and not the boyfriend-girlfriend model.
I find many of the traditional dating and relationship building models to be boring and inefficient. Buddy dating offers a different approach to finding quality, compatible partners and building friendships.