Here are 20 mistakes men make with women during the early stages of dating and beyond. I am not going to pull any punches in this article. Anything less would be a disservice to you as this information could make a real difference in your relationships.
1. Tell their entire life story right away.
Telling your entire life story eliminates the mystery that women find stimulating and romantic. Tell stories and not histories.
2. Spend a huge amount of money on the first date.
This is one of the most common mistakes. There are a number of reasons why this is a bad idea. (1.) You don’t know if you’re ever going to see her again after the first date. You may find that you don’t like her or that there’s no chemistry once you’ve had an opportunity to get to know her. Or she may not like you. If any of these things is the outcome, and it frequently is on the first date, you’ve wasted a huge sum of money. (2.) You can find out a lot about a woman by deliberately spending a small amount of money on the first date. If she appears to enjoy your company regardless of where you go, then she’s a woman who doesn’t expect or demand to be taken to expensive places. If she does, I guarantee you that she will be that way in every area of your relationship. She’s a spender who expects you to spend a lot of money on her. (3.) Many women will see you as being a fool if you spend a large amount of money on the first date. And she’ll more likely respect you if you do the opposite.
You should use this same strategy on later dates. As you have more dates and you find that you like her, you “gradually” increase the amount you spend on her. And you should do this even if you’re wealthy. In fact, if you’re wealthy, you should hide your wealth for a considerable amount of time until you’ve gotten a clear fix on her character. A man who uses his wealth to persuade a woman to be intimate with him may succeed, but he will never know what she is in love with — him or his money. A man who flaunts his wealth, especially with women, is a fool!
For some tips on how to execute this strategy read my article entitled, “Ultimate Dating Tips, Advice, & Strategies“
3. Insist on paying for everything.
In today’s world, women are often making almost as much or more money than men do. Therefore, if a woman offers to pay for things from time to time, let her! In fact, you should expect it if she has a good job.
If she has children, you are not responsible for compensating her for that fact. The father is responsible for contributing to the support of her children, not you! It’s okay to consider that she has children when it comes to money matters, but you’re not obligated.
The old fashion idea that men should pay for everything came out of a time when women had no equality in the workplace. Although the women’s equality movement began in the 1970s, far-reaching change didn’t start happening in the workplace until the 1990s. Prior to this time, women didn’t have the same opportunities as men and they didn’t make nearly as much money. Their salaries were so small that most women could not afford to get an apartment of their own. So they had to remain at home with their parents. Their only escape was marriage, which they often pushed hard for with their men. This is part of the reason there are more singles today. Women no longer need a man’s income to move out on their own. The same is true if they find they ended up with a bad marriage. They now have the financial ability to move out on their own even if they have children.
So be a 21st Century single and share the cost of dating to the extent that is appropriate for the financial situation of each person.
4. Fail to recognize the benefits of being a gentleman.
I’ve never met a woman who didn’t appreciate being treated like a lady. This means opening doors for her, allowing her to walk into rooms in front of you, and using appropriate language.
Not only will it enhance her opinion of you, but it will also enhance her opinion of herself, which will make her appreciate you more.
5. Behave overly eager and overly nice.
Trying very hard to win a woman over when you meet her for the first time never works. It’s not like playing a competitive sport. Trying harder doesn’t get you to second base and beyond. No matter how much you like her and no matter how much you want to start a relationship on that day, you have to stay cool. Like with many sports, you often have to fake a move in the opposite direction in order to score! Here’s what I mean.
You have to get yourself into a mindset of not being overly concerned if a particular woman responds to you favorably or not. You have to get yourself into the mental state of not caring if she likes you or not. You do this by realizing that it’s a numbers game and there must be at least a million other women like her or better than her.
Women are not attracted to desperate, overly eager, and overly nice approaches. You have to have the opposite attitude while still showing a controlled amount of interest. In a way, you are teasing them by not being overly eager or overly nice. But you are a gentleman and you move forward with her in a cool manner.
Don’t confuse having the opposite attitude with being impolite. Being inattentive when she talks and checking out every woman who passes by is rude! You should be relaxed, confident, attentive, and visibly indifferent to attractive women who pass by.
To understand a woman’s point of view, you need to turn the game around in your mind. Imagine what it would be like if you had to wait for a woman to approach you and then it was up to you to quickly decide whether to accept her advances or reject her so that you’d be available for other suitors. How would you imagine your response would be to those who are desperate, overly eager, and overly nice? It would be a turn-off. You’d be attracted to the cool and confident one. That’s what you want to be. You can’t fake being confident, but you can get yourself into a mindset that makes you feel that way.
6. Act like someone they are not.
This is the most common behavior of all, especially after a few drinks. Women put on their best act as well, but they don’t do it to the degree that men do.
Without a doubt, your best act is being yourself. If you start a relationship playing a role that’s not you, when does it end? It’s a lot of work being something you’re not. And it’s a waste of time. Do you want a woman to fall in love with a character you’re pretending to be or you? Your best performance will come by just being yourself.
7. Pressure a woman to have sex before she’s ready.
There’s no benefit to pressuring a woman to have sex except selfish momentary sexual gratification. Notice I didn’t say “sexual fulfillment” as this only happens when both parties are fully willing and involved.
If you pressure a woman to have sex before she’s ready, she won’t enjoy it, she may come to resent you, or she may even come to see that act as rape!
Real men do not pressure women to have sex. They wait until she’s ready.
8. Fail to determine if she has been tested for all STDs before sex.
You only get one chance at this. If you make a mistake, you could get an STD (sexually transmitted disease) that could shorten your life or drastically alter it forever!
I am going to be very candid and graphic in discussing this topic. The truth is that a woman’s vagina is the perfect environment for acquiring, growing, and concealing disease. It is moist, warm, dark, and well-nourished. It is the perfect place for STDs (aka STIs, sexually transmitted infections).
Here’s what radically changed my attitude about this issue. Just to be sure, I’ve been tested for STDs several times throughout my life. And I’m enormously grateful that I came out 100% clean each time. While I was waiting to be tested, I read a pamphlet that said something like this: “When you have sex with someone, you are having sex with everyone they have had sex with and everyone their partners have had sex with for the past several years! In addition, I read that although using a prophylactic (rubber) is good protection against many STDs and pregnancy, it’s not 100% effective. And with some STDs, like herpes I believe, they provide little protection. This information permanently changed my approach. I hope it does the same for you.
9. Fail to determine how she is preventing pregnancy before sex.
Holly molly, I’ve seen more guys put themselves on the hook for 18 years of child support because they thought having sex with the neighborhood, dormitory, or office slut seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know what it’s like to have an unexpected opportunity to make love with a beautiful woman and try to be sure that you don’t say “anything” that might mess it up. You fear that questions like, “Are you taking birth control pills?”, “Should I use a rubber?”, or “Do we need to stop by the drug store?” will throw a cold wet blanket on the heated moment. It might do just that for a few minutes or it could postpone the “event” for a couple of days. But if you compare that with either paying child support for 18 “years” or marrying and spending your “life” with that particular woman, you better protect yourself and ask questions until “you” are convinced.
You have to take the lead on this one. Many women do not think logically when it comes to babies and marriage, especially when they are young.
10. Give her too much of their heart too soon.
When I say too soon, I am not talking about falling in love within the first 30 days of a relationship like some women are capable of doing. I’m talking about after the first 30-90 days when you can start to rely on having a woman in your life.
It’s at this point that you need to evaluate the situation and decide what you want because once you give her your full heart you’ve given up a certain measure of control. You’ve given up your ability to easily walk away if you decide she’s not right for you and you’ve given her the ability to rip your heart out if she suddenly decides to be with another man.
So take some time at this point to evaluate what you want to do with the relationship. Do you want to end it, maintain it, or develop it?
11. Yield to her demands to buy her things & go to expensive places.
You must take a stand early on this issue or it’s always going to be her way or the highway. If she’s insistent, then maybe your best choice is to hit the highway and find another woman.
Women who behave in this way are spoiled. Their parents most likely spoiled them and they expect you to treat them in the same way. They are spenders who expect you to spend money on them!
If you prefer frugal living and financial independence over spendthrift living and financial insecurity then drop women who demand that you buy them expensive things after the first occurrence.
12. Yield to her demands that you change some aspect of yourself.
I’m not talking about constructive suggestions but rather things that are clearly just a matter of taste, style, or personality.
For example, if you’re quiet and she insists that you be more talkative when you’re out socially, then she’s not accepting you for who you are. She might encourage you to talk more by pointing out the interesting parts of your life that others would enjoy hearing about. But if she demands that you change into being a gregarious person by criticizing your quiet nature then she’s not for you.
13. Yield to her bitch approach to getting what she wants.
It’s amazing how many women get this wrong. I love sharing this wise tale. “If a woman bitches at her man long enough, he will eventually build her a house. But if she inspires him through respect and praise, he will build her a castle!” So true, isn’t it?
If you yield even once, you’ll continue to receive this treatment until you take a stand and refuse to respond when a bitching strategy is used. It’s best to confront this behavior early on by telling her you don’t like to be bitched at and you will not respond to it.
14. Respond to her drama and games.
It’s a shame that so many women succumb to this type of conduct. I’ve learned a lot about this unfortunate behavior by watching a few minutes of those ridiculous reality shows involving groups of unprofessional women like “The Housewives of Beverly Hills.” and other “housewife” “reality” shows. A clear indication of how damaging it can be is the fact that one of their husbands committed suicide because of nasty comments made by his wife on the show.
One of the things I like most about equality in the workplace is that as women have gained higher positions and more responsibility they have shed their drama and game-playing behavior to a great extent. I am much more attracted to these women than stay-at-home drama queens.
Your best strategy is to not respond to it and move on if she doesn’t change course right away!
15. Fail to end a bad relationship during the early stages.
The sex is good and regular but the relationship is quarrelsome and emotionally draining. But you keep it active to keep the sex and a few good times in between. The prospect of being alone seems worse than putting up with things until you find someone better. How can you find someone better if you’re spending your time and energy in a bad relationship?
Although breaking up is difficult, you will almost certainly find a better relationship than the bad one you’re in. The problem is having faith in your ability to find a better partner in the future when you’re dealing with such unpleasantness in the present. The best way is to not deliberate but just do it. The breakup may sting for a while but you can find yourself in a much better relationship down the road if you set your mind to it.
16. Act like a jerk.
It’s not the same, but it’s equivalent to a women’s propensity for being a bitch! You know what I mean.
Men don’t bitch, they just behave like jerks (also known as A-holes). Men also use their physical size and strength advantage to intimidate and be even bigger jerks.
Being a jerk is not the behavior of a true man or a true warrior. It takes no courage or skill to be a jerk. It’s actually an act of cowardice, selfishness, and immaturity.
Redirect this energy toward the pursuit of becoming more of a true man and a true warrior.
17. Let themselves go physically and emotionally.
Once men become complacent about the relationship, they can become less motivated to keep themselves fit physically and emotionally.
They workout less or not at all and begin to gain weight and lose muscle tone. They get careless about remaining mentally strong and allow women to assume the leadership role in the relationship.
It’s crucial for men to always be their best because you never know who may come into your woman’s life. Getting dumped for another man is tough stuff, but getting dumped when you’re at your worst can be devastating. In contrast, if you’re at your best when she decides to drop the bomb that she’s leaving you for another man, it’s not as difficult to deal with and your chances of finding a replacement are much greater!
18. Fail to commit to a good relationship before it’s too late.
Waiting too long to act is a mistake most of us have made at least once. I’ve made this mistake more than once. As the old saying goes, “You don’t know what you got until it’s gone.”
Since relationships are not a top priority for men, I have found that I have to remind myself from time to time to take a hard look at the status of my relationship with a woman. It’s easy to miss the signs that she’s moving on until it’s too late.
Another way in which men wait until it’s too late is in telling a woman they’ve never had the opportunity to date how they feel. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to do this. Especially if you’re in a situation where you’ll have to see her on a daily basis after you’ve told her. If you weigh the risk against the possible reward, I think you’ll agree that it’s almost always worth it.
If you’ve fallen in love with a woman who is not available for dating for whatever reason, tell her how you feel about her. If you think about it, you really can’t lose. If she’s unable to reciprocate and love you back for whatever reason, at least the seed has been planted and you had the courage to do it! If you discover she feels the same way about you, then you’re in paradise! I’ve had it happen and I can tell you that it is truly heaven on earth.
19. Give their friends and family a higher priority than her.
Friends and family should not be ignored when you’re involved in a romantic relationship. In fact, it’s important that you maintain strong bonds with them because romantic relationships can end rather abruptly and painfully whereas family and friends are there for the long haul no matter what.
If you constantly give your friends and family a higher priority than her, then she’s going to feel less important and she may begin to move on emotionally. The level of priority you give her depends on how long you’ve been together and how deeply involved you are with her. If you’ve known her for three weeks and she expects you to spend every minute with her and zero time with your friends, that’s not reasonable.
The key is to keep a healthy balance between how much time you spend with your woman and your friends and family. Spending all your time with her and no time with your friends and family is unhealthy.
20. Talk to her in the same way they do to male friends & relatives.
Talking to women about subjects that you’d normally discuss with your male friends and relatives is inappropriate and short-sighted. And if you lace these talks with profanity, as you might with your buddies, it’s downright rude.
Just as most men don’t like hearing about feminine hygiene, the latest support bras, or the new dreamy male television star, most women don’t like hearing about the bloody barroom fight, the new 950 horsepower sports car, or how well those cheerleaders fill out their uniforms.
Take care in the subjects you discuss with women and the language you use. This learned skill makes you a welcomed guest with the ladies and it gives you a reputation for having class!
Keep these things in mind and you’ll get more of what you want from women and less of what you don’t.