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Insights from Hundreds of Singles Bars & Events

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Here is what I learned from going to hundreds of singles bars and events. The frequency is probably in the thousands.

Definitions

  • Singles events include singles dances, mixers, and brunches.
  • Singles bars are any bar, pub, or nightclub where the majority of the patrons are single.
  • Singles groups include singles clubs, singles meetups, and singles groups within a larger organization like a church.
  • Singles gatherings include singles events, singles bars, and singles groups.

Here is what I learned.

  • The greatest commonality among singles at singles gatherings is everyone is alone.
  • Most people at singles gatherings are desperate to replace a lost love, find a date, or have sex.
  • Desperation, expectation, and competition at singles gatherings create an environment that greatly reduces the likelihood of quality matches occurring.
  • Singles gatherings are “not” a good place to find a highly compatible partner.
    • The women I met were nearly always a poor match for me.
    • None of the great loves of my life were found at singles gatherings.
  • 90% of the time I spent at singles bars was a waste. 10% was fun.
  • Zero expectations make it possible to at least have a good time.
  • Alcohol creates fake romance, drama, and twisted perceptions and judgments.
    • It also reduces the pleasure of sex, romance, and love.

Do this instead.

  • Accept singles gatherings for what they are and not what you hope they will be.
  • Do not care about the outcome of whether you’ll meet someone or if they will like you.
  • Be yourself. Your kind, humble, fun self. Not your narcissistic, conceded, bitter self.
  • In singles groups, focus on building friendships first, then fellowship with the members, and lastly romantic relationships.
    • Most groups and people do it the other way around.
  • Create a detailed description of every aspect of your perfect partner. This image will help lead you to them and draw them to you.
  • To find highly compatible romantic partners (and new friends), join clubs, groups, and organizations that represent your “greatest” passions!

Greatest passion = greatest love.

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Brad Paul

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