Working a room at a singles event, dance, party, or nightclub is an acquired skill. You get good through practice. And in this arena, courage is the vehicle for getting there.
There are several parts to successfully working a room and finding a date or suitable match. Here they are.
Having the right attitude before you arrive is the most important part of working a room at a singles event. If you arrive not feeling confident and upbeat you might as well go home.
Plan your schedule accordingly so that you’re in the best state of mind possible. Here’s what I mean. Don’t schedule an unpleasant task like confronting a person who owes you money or a noisy neighbor on the day of the event. Instead schedule uplifting preparation activities on the day of the event like meditating, working out at the gym, getting your hair styled, ironing your clothes, and eating a highly nutritious, energy-generating meal.
Get your head on straight ahead of time by keeping your thoughts positive and enthusiastic. Focus on the outcome you want without being desperate about it. Ignore thoughts about not finding a good match or past failures.
Have a Zero Expectations Vibe
The best attitude to have when you go to singles events is optimism but without specific expectations. Arrive with the intention to just enjoy yourself. Then just go with the flow. That way you’ll respond naturally. And in doing so you’ll be yourself and not a poor imitation of some celebrity.
Your mindset creates your vibe. Your vibe is the nonverbal signals you’re putting out to people. If you’re desperate to find a match that night, people will sense it. Being desperate or depressed is a huge turn-off. If you’re feeling that way, don’t go anywhere until you get it fixed!
In contrast, a positive, relaxed, go-with-the-flow, and I’m here for a good time vibe is very attractive.
In the simplest of terms, you just need to establish a mindset like this: “I don’t care whether I meet someone tonight, although I intend to.” And “I don’t care whether they like me or not, although I think they will.”
Not Your Scene
If you sense that the people or venue is not your scene after you’ve been there for a while, you will probably be wasting your time if you stay. Just like you can’t change people, you can’t conform to people or an environment that doesn’t fit you!
There is one exception to this, however. You arrived in a bad mood which is affecting your perceptions. Either snap out of it or leave and try again on another day.
Check out the Landscape, Not Each Plant
I’ll split this point between men and women.
Men: If you enter a room blatantly checking out every woman’s body, you present yourself as a classless, arrogant, and insincere man. You’ll never connect with high-quality women behaving in this way.
Instead, by entering a room and checking out the landscape or central themes and activities of the event you present yourself as a man with class, confidence, and integrity. It’s okay to take note of attractive women as you move through the room, but do it in a discrete way.
Women: Entering a room dressed and acting in a way to draw attention, you present yourself as an unrefined, spoiled, and scheming woman.
Entering a room wearing a highly provocative outfit will get you noticed but not in a good way or by high-quality men. And certainly not by men who are looking for a serious relationship.
Instead, by entering a room and checking out the landscape or central themes and activities of the event you present yourself as a classy, confident, and quality woman. It’s okay to take note of attractive men as you move through the room, but do it in an extremely subtle way. You don’t want men who are watching you to get the wrong idea.
If you enter a singles event with a group of friends and you’re all dressed and acting the same, you create a magnified image of yourself either good or bad. Women are more likely to come in groups and nothing is more unappealing than a group of provocatively dressed catty women putting on a show. The same goes for a group of arrogant jerky men, by the way.
Find a Perch
Find a place to stand or sit in the room that allows these things. I’ll divide this between men and women.
Men: Observe the entire room and main entryway without being conspicuous. Usually, this is toward the back or sides of the room. Enjoy the entertainment or main activities without being in the center of it.
Women: Be visible from any place in the room without being obvious. Usually, this is toward the center of the room. Enjoy the entertainment or main activities without being absorbed by them. In other words, show yourself as being open to being approached in a subtle way. Also, don’t put out a “Do Not Disturb” message by getting into a long and deep conversation with a girlfriend.
Stake Your Claim
Once again I’ll divide this point between men and women
Men: If you find a woman to who you’re particularly attracted, don’t hesitate, go for it or you may lose your opportunity to another guy. If you’re interested in several women, approach each one, introduce yourself, and ask them to dance or talk with them a bit. Don’t buy them a drink, join them, or spend too much time with them. After you’ve approached all of them return to the one you like the most and begin a conversation and/or repeatedly ask them to dance.
In my opinion, in this day and age, there are no social conventions that require men to buy women drinks. I never buy drinks for women I just met, although I’ve had many try to trick me into doing so. I was foolish enough in my early 20s to fall into the trap repeatedly though.
Women: Be bold and allow men who you find attractive to have brief eye contact with you. Let them lead this interaction almost as though you are starting a slow dance. Another strategy is to move to a location closer to men who you find attractive in a very subtle way. When I say closer I don’t mean to the table next to them. I mean to a location where you become more visible to them.
If you have hooked up with a man you like, don’t play with him by testing the field with other guys who approach you during the evening. If you do, there’s a good chance he’ll move on. Or he may stick around just to win the duel but he’ll most likely count you out for a serious relationship.
The most important factor in successfully working a room at a singles event is your attitude. You have to know that you can find a good match without being concerned about whether you do it on a particular night or with a particular person.