I would suspect that the issue of how to get a man to marry you is a frequent topic of conversation among women. I would also imagine that it’s a subject of countless women’s magazine and blog articles.
I wonder about the source of the advice on how to be successful. Does it mostly come from women who have successfully hooked a man? Or does it come from men who have taken the bait?
I know that sounds a bit cynical, but my experience and observations indicate that many women go about getting a man to marry them in unscrupulous and selfish ways. In other words, they trick, manipulate, and pressure a man to marry them. These methods cannot lead to creating a solid union. What they can lead to are an uneven foundation and a resentful man. I’ve seen it happen many times.
The main motivation for getting married for some women isn’t love, it’s so they can get what they want! What they want is security (financial, emotional, & physical), a big house, fancy car, kids, and the ability to buy all the stuff they want. I’d call this selfish love.
So how do you get a man to marry you in a mature, honest, and intelligent way? Before I give you the formula, let me go over the ways NOT to go about it.
- Don’t fake being pregnant.
- Don’t get yourself pregnant.
- Don’t give him an ultimatum.
- Don’t make a dramatic departure.
- Don’t create a dramatic breakup scene.
- Don’t date other men to make him jealous.
- Don’t flirt with other men to make him jealous.
- Don’t use girlfriends or family to persuade him.
Here’s the mature, honest, and intelligent way to get a man to marry you.
Get Fit & Be a Catch
Some women are overweight, deeply in debt, socially inept, or emotionally unstable, yet they can’t figure out why their man hesitates to marry them.
They might say, “You loved me like crazy when we first met, but now you’re pulling away.” The problem is when they first met she was a trim 105 pounds. Now she’s a chubby 185 pounds. You can either get fit and become a catch or find someone else who matches your physique and eating habits. You don’t want to settle for less though, do you?
If you want a quality man to “really want” to marry you, you must be a quality woman in all the key areas of your life. This includes your emotional, physical, social, and financial fitness. If you want more information on this, here’s an article that addresses each of these areas entitled, “Self Evaluation & Preparation for Relationship Success.”
On more thing about emotional fitness that can have a big impact on how and whether you succeed. Be sure that your motivation to get married is not based on pressure from family, friends, religion, or society. Other people’s “rules” are not yours. They are irrelevant. Also, be certain that your motivation is not coming from competitiveness or ego.
Get Strong & Be Prepared
If you’re going approach the topic of marriage, you have to get yourself to a place where you can move on if the reply is not what you hoped. When I say this, I don’t mean get another guy waiting in the wings so you feel secure. That wouldn’t be honest.
You have to prepare yourself emotionally for the possibility of breaking up. One way to do this is to face the facts head-on and rationally! Instead of thinking, “This is the only man who…??? (fill in the blank).” That’s all or nothing thinking. The truth is there are thousands of men who would likely be an equally as good or better match for you.
I’ve had many girlfriends and each one was better than the last. Even so, it took me years to trust that fact. Once I did, it gave me a lot of confidence and peace.
I’m not saying that you should write him off so that you can be strong. You may have an outstanding man. But to make it a good marriage you’ve got to go about getting him in the right way and from a position of strength. Otherwise, you can damage or even lose the prize – a magnificent marriage!
The purposes for getting strong and being prepared are…
- So you will present yourself confidently.
- So you will present yourself as meaning what you say.
- So you will not present yourself as being desperate.
- So you will not present yourself as being demanding.
Be tough but soft and loving.
Get Real & Be Honest
Some men don’t want to be married or have children ever. The same is true for some women. You must face that fact. Just as you have designs for your dream life, so does the man and sometimes they don’t match. That’s reality.
Don’t make him wrong or call him a bad person because his beliefs and life plan is different from yours. That wouldn’t be fair.
You can’t force a person to share your dream. But you can describe it so that you see how much of it aligns with their dream. If you discover that you have a lot in common, then you can move forward together in the same direction.
Get Brave and Be True to Yourself
Arrange a day, time, and place to have a talk with your man when you’ll both be unhurried and relaxed. Perhaps on a day when you’re both off from work. Having this conversation during a walk in a beautiful environment like a park or beach would definitely be a plus. Be sure that no alcohol is consumed before or during this discussion.
If he asks about the topic, tell him you want to share your plans for the future and find out if his dreams align with yours. If he asks if you’re going to have “the talk,” tell him yes, but not in the way that he may think.
Start by describing your love for him. Tell him all the reasons “why” you love him. Tell him why you believe you make a good team. Then go on to the main reason for the discussion.
Describe your dream life in detail including your wish to be married. Be sure to include a “reasonable” timetable. Then wait patiently and silently for his response.
If he asks for some time to think things over, tell him no problem. But be sure to set a deadline for his decision. One to six weeks should be enough. Do not agree to any nonspecific deadlines like, “We’ll talk about this after I get done with my… (fill in the blank).” Just tell him that a nonspecific timetable does not work for you. You might call it a “closing or cutoff (sex) date” rather than a DEADline though. 😉
If his reply is affirmative, then love and respect him without measure. If his reply does not match your dream and timetable, tell him something like this.
Explain to him in a straightforward, no pressure way that if your dreams and timetable don’t match, then the only fair solution is to go your separate ways. Tell him that since the decision to move on preserves both of your dreams rather than sacrificing them, neither of you should have hard feelings toward the other.
Your job from that point is to let him go without anger, resentment, or fear. Do not make any attempt to change his mind then or in the future. This includes crafty emails, texts, and voice messages. Just keep this quote in mind.
“If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.” -Anonymous
Although it’s a good idea to keep this quote in mind for awhile, don’t anchor yourself to it. Begin the process of moving on immediately. With this, I don’t mean go out and find someone else right away. You should wait on that. It wouldn’t be fair to the guy or yourself. Get your equilibrium and groove back before you start a new relationship.
The objectives of this discussion are…
- To take action toward realizing your dream.
- To make your goals and aspirations clearly understood.
- To plant seeds that may germinate and sprout in short order.
- To prevent being strung along for years or even decades.
- To begin living congruently with your true self.
Be sure to tailor this formula to fit your situation and present it in your own words. I’ll expect a wedding invitation if you’re successful. 🙂