Self-evaluation can be a difficult thing to do, but the rewards can be great. Once a self-evaluation is completed and the findings are addressed the likelihood of you attracting a higher quality relationship than you have had in the past greatly improves.
Preparation for Success
Being prepared to be in a relationship is vital to its success. If you’re not prepared, you will mess it up or engage in an unhealthy relationship. Or worse, you will not recognize the one who’s right when they enter your life. An honest self-evaluation will reveal any deficiencies.
Preparation should begin with a self-evaluation. Have you developed yourself into the kind of person that you know in your heart you can be? Is your life on track? Is it balanced? A person beginning the journey for their ideal life-partner cannot be in a state of neediness or decline. They must be stable and secure. Otherwise, they will find themselves in a relationship that reflects the unfit state of their life.
This self-evaluation involves looking at the four (4) major areas that tend to have the greatest influence on relationships: emotional, physical, social, and financial.
Have you achieved emotional maturity, or are you still carrying unresolved baggage from a past hurtful relationship or a painful childhood? If so, get it resolved first! Talk it out with a friend, read some self-help books, or see a counselor or clergy.
Have you mastered your mind by taking control of the content of your thoughts? Have you learned about the remarkable power of your thoughts and how they determine your mood, your physiology, and your destiny? If not, get some books, tapes, or attend a seminar on the subject. Then use the information to develop your mental muscle and get your thoughts working for you instead of against you. Becoming skilled in this area is essential because it can affect almost every area of your life, including your ability to find a partner who’s right for you.
Have you established a list of personal values and short and long-term goals? If not, do it now! Write down your values and goals. Give your life a direction. Design a plan for the life that you desire and for the person you want to become along the way!
Are you satisfied with your body, exercise program, and eating habits? This doesn’t mean that you have to be at your ideal weight, exercise regimen, or nutritional program to before you begin your search. But it does mean that you must have a healthy acceptance and appreciation for your body.
If not, take action now to lose the weight, get into an exercise routine, and set up a nutrition program. Just making the commitment and honestly getting started may be all that it takes for you to achieve self-acceptance.
Don’t fool yourself though, because the emotional high of taking the first big step of joining a weight loss program, buying a membership at a gym, or signing up for a course on nutrition will only be temporary. You must follow through with the work and stay with it. According to experts, it takes about six (6) weeks to establish a new habit. This amount of time would be an honest start to the endurance that leads to the results you want.
Social balance in a relationship is important. Exclusive reliance on a partner for all your social nourishment and support can eventually put too much strain on a relationship. It can also greatly limit its ability to be fulfilling.
Certain aspects of personal fulfillment can only be gained from social activities that occur outside a relationship. Participation in social activities that satisfy individual needs, such as belonging to a particular special interest group, can provide the social enrichment that each partner requires. Then, when social requirements are being satisfied, the relationship as a couple benefits greatly. If they aren’t, it suffers.
Friendships with people of your own sex are also important to the success of a relationship. There are some issues that can only be understood by those of your own sex. Cutting yourselves off from the rest of the world and expecting your partner to understand all the challenges that come with being a man or a woman is not reasonable. Relying on them exclusively for guidance on these issues will not meet all of your needs. And when they cannot fulfill them the result is frustration, aggravation, and conflict.
The relationship that a partner has with their (same-sex) friends does not replace the special intimacy that you share as a couple. It only enhances it, and it can do so to a great extent! Men strengthen themselves as men by being with other men. Women strengthen themselves as women by being with other women. Then when two (2) spiritually replenished partners meet there are sexual fireworks!
No other single issue seems to break up more relationships than financial problems. To enter a relationship without your finances being in order is unfair to your partner and to yourself. Just as in all the other areas we discussed above, it’s essential that you’re healthy in this area as well so that your relationship is built on a firm foundation, not sand, and surely not quicksand.
So, are your finances in order? Do you have your credit cards and other credit generating areas under control? How about your savings and retirement planning? Are you taking full advantage of retirement savings (401K) programs at work? Have you established a personal savings program? If not, get it handled this week! After all, don’t you want to be a contributor to you and your partner’s future and that of your children, if you decide to have them? Of course, the status of your career plays the leading role in your financial health.
Are you stable in your career? This doesn’t mean that you have to be at your dream job, but you must be either comfortable with your present position or working towards your goal in some way. For example, maybe you’re taking classes at a local college or trade school or you’re involved in a campaign for a new job or business of your own.
Being an imperfect human, it is not realistic to expect that all the pieces of your life will be in exact order before you begin pursuing a relationship. However, you do need to have emotional maturity, physical fitness, social balance, and financial stability to be successful in the way that you picture a relationship to be in your dreams!
You can give yourself a huge boost in self-confidence and motivation by designing an improvement plan, making the commitment, and getting started toward making the changes that you know you need to make. Establish some goals and set up a schedule to do a self-evaluation every three (3) to six (6) months. This will give you a target and a timetable. If there is a problem area in your life that’s not addressed in this self-evaluation create the category yourself.
Make a commitment to take the necessary actions to solve any problems that your self-evaluation reveals. Let the promise of discovering the greatest love of your life be your inspiration and the possibility of never finding it your resolve.
To learn more about self-improvement techniques, there are several excellent books that cover this topic on the recommended books page. Look under the heading “Personal Development, Self Improvement, Success.”