Here are 20 mistakes women make with men during the early stages of dating and beyond. I am going to be very straightforward in this article. Anything less would sell you short on information that could make a real difference in your relationships.
1. Have sex on the first date.
There’s more to lose than gain by having sex on the first date. You risk losing a man’s respect and trust. And you risk getting an STD or pregnant – unless you are taking serious measures to prevent it. (Prophylactics (rubbers) are not 100% protection from AIDS and zero for some other STDs.)
Men love having sex on the first date, but they can lose a certain amount of respect and trust for you if you do. Here’s how it works. If you don’t have sex on the first date, you get a little bit of his respect and trust. On the other hand, if you have sex on the first date, you lose more of these things than you’d gain if you didn’t.
Gaining a man’s respect and trust takes quite a while. Not having sex on the first date is only the first step in the process of gaining a man’s complete trust. The reward for gaining a man’s trust is that it is much more likely that he will make a commitment to you!
2. Have sex too soon.
The longer you put it off before he seeks it elsewhere, the better. There’s no game with this. You are simply recognizing that you’re dealing with a man’s sexual drive and not his brain or his heart. So you need to take the lead on this issue. By doing this you’ll not only gain a bit more of his respect and trust, but you’ll also create more romance and sexual intensity when you do make love.
The best sex I’ve had in my life never took place on the first date or the 4th date. The best sex happened after we had spent a considerable amount of time getting to know each other first! The absolute best sex happened after we became friends. This may have taken months or even years if circumstances dictated it.
3. Fail to determine if he has been tested for all STDs before sex.
You only get one chance at this. If you make a mistake, you could get an STD (sexually transmitted disease) that could shorten your life or drastically alter it forever!
Here’s what radically changed my attitude about this issue. Just to be sure, I’ve been tested for STDs (aka STIs, sexually transmitted infections) several times throughout my life. And I’m enormously grateful that I came out 100% clean each time. While I was waiting to be tested, I read a pamphlet that said something like this: “When you have sex with someone, you are having sex with everyone they have had sex with and everyone their partners have had sex with for the past several years! In addition, I read that although using a prophylactic (rubber) is good protection against many STDs and pregnancy, it’s not 100% effective. And with some STDs, like herpes I believe, they provide little protection. This information permanently changed my approach. I hope it does the same for you.
4. Fail to take measures to prevent pregnancy.
In today’s world, there is absolutely no excuse for getting pregnant before a woman AND her partner BOTH want to have a child.
I’m always amazed by the ignorance and stupidity of women who get themselves pregnant when it’s not in their best interest to do so.
There is nothing to be gained in your relationship by getting pregnant. BOTH parties must want it. And BOTH parties must have the maturity and financial means to properly raise a child.
5. Trick a man into dating her.
She might succeed in getting the date, but she’ll probably fail in getting his love.
I’ve had this happen to me several times throughout my life. The person who did it or one of her friends usually informed me about the trickery. When I learned of it, my trust and respect for them were reduced significantly.
Stick with integrity and forgo any trickery.
6. Push him to higher levels of intimacy and love too early.
This is a huge mistake. True love can never come out of being pushed into it. The same is true if he pushes you into loving him.
You cannot force a flower seed to germinate, break through the soil, grow into a plant, and produce flowers. You can, however, provide the ideal conditions for this to happen which may speed up the process and enhance the quality of the flowers. But if you add unnatural ingredients to rush the process, you can stunt its growth or even kill it and its flowers could be deformed and unattractive.
7. Give or loan him money.
I’ve seen this happen more times than I can count and the result has “always” been bad and the money was never returned.
There’s no getting around the fact that most men and women are wired differently when it comes to money. I would propose that it has something do to with a man’s innate drive to provide and a woman’s innate need to nurture. So a woman’s need to give money to someone they care about is greater than her need to make it and secure her financial future. The top priority for a man, on the other hand, is to make money, provide for the one he loves, and secure his/their financial future.
Men who manipulate women into “loaning” or giving them money are not men of integrity. Don’t fall for this con. Keep your heart and mind in reality and not in fairytale land.
8. Trick him into marrying her.
This is done in many different ways. Women have a gigantic arsenal of tricks.
The ultimate way in which this is done is by getting pregnant. In doing this, a woman not only sets up the potential for a lifetime of resentment and mistrust by her husband but an unhealthy environment for her child.
The greatest loves never start with a tricked pregnancy and a shotgun marriage.
9. Pressure him to marry her.
I often hear women talk about a man’s inability to commit as a “reason” or excuse to pressure him into marrying her. If these women want to get a man to marry them, they should be doing the exact opposite.
If you do it right, there’s no pressure applied by you. The only pressure comes from the pressure a man puts on himself to make a decision.
You’ve got to look at the decision to get married from a man’s point of view. In the majority of cases, a man has little and a woman has much to gain by getting married. In most cases, a man provides financial security, protection, and the means for having children. In most cases, a man can provide the first two things himself and children are usually not a high priority.
Men know that they usually provide the bigger half of the deal and give up many things that most women don’t value as much like freedom and the desire for adventure. So if a woman puts pressure on him, he feels like he’s getting the short end of the deal.
Pressure will push him (the buyer) away. Confidence and the willingness to move on without ultimatums will inspire him to make a decision.
10. Talk about their previous romantic partner.
Many women just don’t seem to get this. This is indicated by their inquisitiveness about a man’s prior romantic relationships and the fact that they seem perfectly okay about discussing the topic. A woman’s objective seems to be centered on how she compares with the man’s prior partner physically. “Is she pretty?” is usually the first question.
Men, on the other hand, are more concerned about issues of loyalty and trust. If a woman talks a lot about a previous partner, he may suspect that she’s still in love with him. Therefore, she is unable to devote herself to him completely. In addition, the topic of a prior romantic relationship brings up a man’s instinct to defend his woman from other suitors as a lion or an elk would in the wild.
I could go on writing another 5,000 words on this topic, but here’s my best advice in a few sentences instead. Do not talk about previous romantic relationships unless you are asked a “specific” question. And then only answer the question. Do NOT elaborate and provide all the details.
11. Bad mouth him to other people.
As I said before, loyalty is at the top of a man’s list when it comes to choosing a partner. Few things can destroy the loyalty a man feels from a woman than if he discovered that she’s badmouthing him to other people.
There’s a big difference between discussing your relationship with friends and family in a constructive versus a destructive way. Constructive is when you discuss what’s good about your man and relationship and ways that you can help to improve them. Destructive is when you discuss what’s wrong with your man and relationship and what you can do to get what YOU want.
12. Flirt or go on a date with another man to make him jealous.
This behavior can permanently damage a man’s trust in you. Once you’ve flirted with other men several times or gone out on dates to make him jealous or to punish him, he may keep you around for sex but he’ll never trust you enough to marry you. Unless he’s a fool!
Flirting with and checking out other people is totally inappropriate by either party in any dating or relationship situation. A person who does this is immature and rude, and they have no class. Why am I being so tough? Here’s why.
First, games like this are for children and teens, not mature adults. Secondly, if you’re not into him, there is plenty of time to discretely consume all the “eye candy” you want when you’re alone.
13. Lie, deceive, and manipulate him.
I’ve always been mystified by how some women resort to lying, deception, and manipulation to get what they want. I am even more mystified by their amazing ways of justifying it and convincing themselves that it’s okay.
It’s not true that all is fair in love and war. At least it’s not for women and men who have integrity and panache.
This type of behavior has no place in any type of relationship, especially an intimate one. And when it comes to a relationship with a man, it’s a deal breaker. It’s a deal breaker because it destroys what a man values most in his relationship with a woman – loyalty and trust.
14. Act like a bitch to get what they want.
Where in world did the notion that being bitch was the best way for a woman to get what she wants from a man? Actually, it is the lazy, spoiled, and tasteless way for a woman to get what she wants.
The truth is that a woman would get much more from her man if she made him her hero, treated him with respect, and praised his efforts. I love sharing this wise tale. “If a woman bitches at her man long enough, he will eventually build her a house. But if she inspires him through respect and praise, he will build her a castle!”
Some women use their “period” as an excuse or reason for being a bitch. I’ve known far too many women who go through their period each month and continue to be cheerful to believe that this is a reality for all women. Both men and women experience times when they don’t feel good physically or emotionally. What do they do to maintain a pleasant disposition? They rise above it by getting busy and keeping their thoughts positive.
15. Blame him for things that are clearly their responsibility.
Although I see this happen all the time, I still can’t figure out why some women resort to such underhanded behavior. The energy they put into making a man wrong is amazing.
You’re probably thinking right now that men do it too but in a different way. I think the difference is that men are not as skilled in relationship issues as women are, and therefore, they honestly do not know when they are doing it.
Men’s dark side is their propensity to be a jerk. They “know” when they are doing this.
The blame game is for those who are unwilling to accept 100 percent responsibility for their lives. When they do this, they sell themselves short and cause havoc in the lives of those closest to them.
16. Fail to end a bad relationship during the early stages.
From what I’ve gathered over the years, women stay in bad relationships for several reasons. (1.) They believe that they can fix the man and the relationship. (2.) They doubt their ability to find another man. (3.) They fear being alone. (4.) Their self-esteem is so low that they don’t recognize that they are in a toxic love relationship or that they don’t deserve anything better.
The longer you stay in a bad relationship the harder it overrides the issues I just listed. The best time to end a bad relationship is early on when neither party is heavily invested emotionally.
17. Let themselves go physically and emotionally.
I see this happen most often after women get married. It’s like some women look at marriage as a license to do and say anything they want. This can be especially true if a child soon arrives.
They get fat. They buy anything they want. They let down their emotional facades and let their weaknesses go wild. And they give up their courteous and sweet behavior and start being a bitch.
The man marries a slim, well-dressed, and emotionally strong woman. One year later, he has a fat, poorly dressed, bitch! I can see the disappointment and embarrassment in the eyes of these men. In the months before getting married, they feel like they hit the lottery. Then after they get married, they feel like they just unwittingly locked themselves inside a hellish prison.
I am not talking about gaining a few extra pounds. I am talking about getting huge (obese). If you’re both grossly overweight from the start or you become that way, you’re feeding each other’s unhealthy behavior. It’s similar to two heavy drinkers getting together. Both are unhealthy relationships.
Don’t allow yourself to buy into the fallacy that a man should love you no matter what. Meaning no matter how fat you become. “I just had a kid!” is not a valid excuse. Many women control their weight during pregnancy and quickly lose any extra weight afterward. Men get much of their sexual pleasure from visual stimuli. Either you provide it or they may get it somewhere else.
I acknowledge that there are exceptions to this rule. There are men who like big women or don’t mind it when they gain a lot of weight, but they are rare. There’s a fine line on this issue too. Many men won’t tell their woman the full extent of how they really feel about their extra weight. And those men who don’t seem to mind may be seeking alternative methods to achieve sexual satisfaction or they may be looking for a new woman.
If you want your man to adore you, make love to you, care for you, provide for you, and treat you like a princess then you must do your part. Keep yourself fit, well-dressed, and emotionally strong.
18. Fail to trust a good relationship before it’s too late.
I’ve seen this happen when women allow competition with other women and prestige and financial gain to take a higher priority than love from a good man.
A woman may play a game of being with one man while testing the possibilities with another man who looks like a better “deal” from the outside. They mistakenly judge that the new man is a better “deal.” So she dumps the first guy thinking that if it doesn’t work she can probably get him back. Most men will never trust her again. Even if he takes her back, she will never get all of him ever again. Once he regains his equilibrium, it’s very likely he’ll dump her!
19. Give their friends and family a higher priority than him.
This occurs more often with men than women. But for women, it happens in a different way. In my experience, women rely on these relationships for support.
The problem arises when this support is used to create an unfair advantage to put pressure on a man so that she can get her own way. In other words, she orchestrates self-serving alliances to pressure, manipulate, or punish the man.
I am not saying that friends and family should be put at a distance when you’re involved in a romantic relationship. In fact, it’s important that you maintain strong bonds with them because romantic relationships can end rather abruptly and painfully whereas family and friends are there for the long haul no matter what.
As far as your romantic relationship goes, keep it independent of your other relationships. Don’t get your female friends or relatives directly involved in your relationship. Your relationship is between you and your man. If you can’t create a productive and satisfying relationship on your own you never will with that particular man and with your current skills.
If it’s not working out, either you need to develop yourself and your relationship skills, it’s a bad match or both.
20. Talk to him in the same way they do to female friends & relatives.
Talking to men about topics that you’d normally discuss with your female friends and relatives is inappropriate and short-sighted.
Just as most women don’t like hearing about the bloody barroom fight, the new 900 horsepower sports car, or how well those cheerleaders fill out their uniforms, most men don’t like hearing about feminine hygiene, the latest support bras, or the new dreamy male television star. Talking about these things damages a women’s femininity and integrity.
Take care in what subjects you discuss with men. This learned skill makes you more attractive to men and it gives you a reputation for having class!
Keep these things in mind and you’ll get more of what you want from men and less of what you don’t.