Here are the things that fueled my inspiration to create Solotopia and continue to motivate me today.
Founding, building, and leading a singles organization.
I learned a great deal about the singles lifestyle, dating, and relationships while leading a singles club. I found that many singles were wandering aimlessly in their pursuit to fill their free time, find a suitable partner, and development healthy relationships.
I saw that singles wanted information, guidance, and support. They also wanted a reliable place where they could go to be with other singles. Their need for non-romantic friendships was nearly as strong as their need to find a person to date or marry.
Although I loved running a regional singles organization, it had a very limited scope in the number of people I could reach. Solotopia enables me to help, support, and encourage millions of singles from around the world!
Struggles with approaching women, dating, relationships, & breakups.
I struggled a long time to overcome my shyness and gain enough confidence to approach women. Although I had women pursuing me from time to time throughout my life, they were usually not the type I wanted. I needed to overcome my shyness to get the kind of woman I really desired.
My experience with choosing women and developing healthy relationships with them was a mixed bag. I had quite a few relationships that were troublesome. I also went through several painful breakups.
I eventually noticed a pattern in my relationships. I was choosing to be with women who were a bad match for me. I knew nothing about the importance of compatibility or that is was even possible to have a harmonious relationship. I was also mirroring my parents’ (mother & stepfather) argumentative relationship style to some extent. I did this even though I promised myself I would never behave like them.
I devoted a tremendous amount of time in researching and reading about ways to improve my dating and relationship skills and partner selection abilities. The key things I discovered are found in articles on this site.
Coming to terms with periods of being alone and loner tendencies.
I found the period of being alone after a breakup to be very hard and confusing. I didn’t know what to do with myself.
The experience of breaking up is painful enough. When you add the initial discomfort of suddenly being alone, the experience can be extremely difficult.
I eventually learned how to use the pain of a breakup to make huge positive changes. I also learned to embrace being alone so that these periods were no longer painful but instead enriching, peaceful, and even enjoyable.
Although I’ve had many close friends throughout my life, I’ve always had a tendency to be somewhat of a loner. Years ago, I sometimes saw this personality trait as a flaw. Today I see it as an advantage.
Growing up in a home with parents who were a bad match.
Living in a house with parents who are constantly fighting can take a serious toll on children. My parents (mother and stepfather) fought every day up until the morning my stepfather died. So much of their energy went into fighting that they often did not much left to give to us children.
My parents were very decent people individually, but together they were horrible. Although I didn’t know enough to see it at the time, they were totally different people who had almost nothing in common.
Most of my motivation to research and write my book, “Finding the One Who’s Right,” and make this issue one of the central themes on this site comes from my experience with parents and my own poorly matched relationships.
Fulfillment of my aptitude for teaching and inspiring.
While I was in college, I often fantasized about being a professor. I also took one of those career aptitude tests during my sophomore year. My highest score by far pointed toward being a teacher. I was very surprised by this result as I had a strong fear of public speaking.
I discovered much later that I loved sharing useful and life-altering information, methods, and principles in a way that changes and inspires the reader or listener. This discovery came after I learned to speak publicly.
Many changes happened when you learn public speaking other than the obvious. Conquering the fear to speak in front of a group removes the blocks on several things. For me, two of these things were teaching and writing.
When you make a serious commitment to creating a content-based website like this one you’re putting yourself out there in much of the same way as you do when you speak publicly or teach a class. Each article is a reflection of your integrity, knowledge, writing ability, and courage.
Although I have taught a few classes and my meeting style as a corporate executive was to teach and inspire, I never became a college professor. Therefore, my websites have become my virtual college classroom. And I take the responsibility very seriously.
As you can see, the inspiration for Solotopia came from a variety of sources. I feel that the diversity of these sources is what makes Solotopia unique.