It All Depends on Your Mindset
Many singles look at being single and in between a committed romantic relationship as a curse or a time of lack, suffering, and loneliness. In other words, they see it as an abyss, a deep pit of immeasurable void.
They spend their evenings and weekends feeling depressed and lonely, and not content and active. When they do go out on a date, they have unreasonably high expectations that this will be the one. They desperately seek for a relationship that will fill the void they have inside themselves. The problem with this kind of thinking is that another person can “never” fill the void. It can only be filled by you!
I have experienced the feeling of void many times myself while I was in between relationships. Eventually, I came to realize that I was putting off being happy and making personal progress until I had those warm and exciting feelings that come with being in a loving relationship. In other words, I was making my current happiness dependent on the presence of another person in my life. I was giving up my power to a relationship that may or may not even enrich my life!
A little side note here. I believe that a person can greatly increase their chances of meeting a person who will enrich their life if they take the time to precisely identify the right person for them and learn the best ways to find them and build a relationship. There are several books, including my own, that can guide you on this path on the Solotopia website. If you are interested, check out the recommended books page and look under the first topic category heading or go directly to information about my book here. Enough on that. Back to the article.
When we make our happiness contingent on whether we are in a committed romantic relationship, we can become dependent on this union even if it has become unhealthy. When we become dependent, we give up control and we become prisoners.
On the other hand, if you can find happiness and contentment as a single person you will never be chained to a toxic relationship. You will always be able to let it go, and your partner will know this. And most importantly, you will be better equipped emotionally to find and maintain a quality relationship.
Whatever your current status is as a single person, be it recently broke up (divorced or widowed), dating, not dating, or building a relationship, this phase of your life should be focused on finding your bliss! It should be focused on personal discovery and growth. You cannot devote as much time and energy to these things when you are sharing your life with another person. And you certainly could not do it under your own terms when you were living with your parents, going to college, raising your children, or caring for your spouse.
This is your time! Your time to discover your likes and dislikes. Your time to master your life by resolving long-standing emotional issues, getting your body in shape, addressing any financial concerns, and developing yourself socially.
Go live your bliss and you will never experience an abyss regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not. And when you do choose to be in a committed love relationship, it will truly be magnificent!