I gained many insights from running a singles club and this website, writing two books for singles, and doing a project on mate selection for a graduate level college course. One of the most interesting things I discovered was that the concerns and behavior patterns of singles are remarkably similar. Reading this article should give you comfort in some areas and strategies for sharpening your skills in others.
I conducted extensive research for my singles club, this website, my books, and my college project. Here’s what I did.
- Visited dozens of fee-based and non-profit singles organizations.
- Perused countless singles websites and online dating services.
- Read or reviewed dozens of books geared toward singles.
- Conducted field research projects for my books and college course.
That gives you some background. Now let’s get into the (plant) meat of the matter. (I’m vegan. 🙂 ) Here are the top insights, patterns, and successful strategies I discovered.
- Many singles try to look, dress, and act like someone they believe potential dates or partners will find attractive. Tip: Manufacturing a look and faking a personality is not attractive. Your best act is being yourself.
- Singles join singles clubs to find a person to date, have a serious relationship with, or marry. Tip: Concentrate on developing friendships (with both men & women) first! This will lead to a strong support system, more fun, and a solid foundation for developing a meaningful romantic relationship(s).
- Most singles have the same emotions when they go to nightclubs and singles events. They are nervous, anxious, and unsure. Most conceal these emotions very well. Tip: If you keep these facts in mind and direct your attention to the people and activities and not yourself, you’ll have a better time, you’ll be more attractive, and you’ll have a greater chance of meeting someone special.
- Many men, and some women, act as if they are starving and on a hunt for their next meal at nightclubs and singles dances. Tip: Establish a mindset of not caring whether you meet someone. Instead, just focus on having fun! You’ll be more attractive and more successful in meeting potential partners.
- Because the greatest commonality among the attendees at singles dances and events is that everyone is an unattached single, these venues are not the best places to meet an ideal partner. Tip: Get involved in activities and organizations that represent your greatest passions. Finding a partner who shares your greatest passion provides a strong foundation for a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship.
- Most online services and websites for singles center almost entirely on matchmaking. Tip: Look for websites that offer resources for improving yourself, your relationship skills, and your single lifestyle — like this one. 🙂
- Online dating services vary considerably in their approach and algorithms for matching singles. Tip: Devote some time to precisely identifying the qualities, characteristics, and attributes you want and do not want “most” in a date/partner before you start researching online services. By doing this, you’ll be able to pick a service that fits your criteria rather than having to adapt to theirs. You’ll also be better equipped to recognize a good from profiles and when you meet them in-person.
- After a painful breakup, singles are often desperate and in a rush to find a new partner and reestablish or establish single friendships. Tip: Get over the pain and learn how to enjoy being alone first! Desperation is unattractive and can lead to poor decisions and unhealthy relationships.
- Singles wait until the last minute to make decisions about social activities. They are waiting for the best deal to satisfy their urgent needs. Tip: Learn to relax and enjoy whatever activity you have the opportunity to attend without being concerned about meeting someone. Once you become skilled at this, you’ll be a magnet and you’ll enjoy your single life more.
- Most books on how to find your perfect partner do not contain a comprehensive method for identifying who that person is for you! Rather they tell you how to get over your ex, avoid bad relationships, and find dates or a partner. Some offer clever strategies and tricks for meeting women or men. Tip: Look for books that focus on identifying, finding, and building a relationship with your ideal partner. Avoid books that claim to have secret formulas for getting women or men in bed.
- Many books on couple’s communication get into lengthy psychological discussions on why you’re not communicating. Then they offer psychological methods for improving your communication. Tip: Look for books on couple’s communication that offer a step-by-step system for creating communication “breakthroughs” with your partner. Just reading a bunch of fancy psycho mumbo jumbo will not solve the underlining problems. Communication is the only reliable, long-term way to fix them.
- The number one criterion by far that people look for in a life partner is compatibility. This is true of almost all people in all cultures throughout the world! Tip: Devote as much time as you would in researching for your largest purchases (e.g. home, car) and your most important decisions (e.g. doctor, financial planner) to identifying the qualities, characteristics, and attributes you want and do not want “most” in a life partner “before” you begin your search.
I may add more points to this list, as I sometimes do after publishing an article or in a related post in the future.