Fear is an obstacle to getting what we want in many areas of our lives. It is a major obstacle when it comes to getting dates, finding a quality partner, and giving and receiving love.
The amazing thing about fear is that most of what we fear never comes true. Therefore much of the turmoil we put ourselves through when we fear something is foolish, time-wasting, and pointlessness.
I am not sure where we learn about how to deal with fear. But I suspect that imitations of courageous behavior by “actors” in movies are largely responsible. These contrived and carefully orchestrated scenes depict the movie’s hero “acting” without a hint of fear during activities that would scare the hell out of most of us.
The crucial part they leave out of movies is the fear they experience before they get the courage! A person must push through the fear regardless of how great it is and then they get the courage. There are no shortcuts.
Another way in which we learn about courage and how to get it is through television commercials. Hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars are spent putting together a 30-60 second commercial designed to get you to buy a product or service by appealing to your strongest emotions. One of them is courage.
Movies and advertisements have led us to believe that courage is…
- Awaken by consuming alcohol or a drug.
- Something that some people are born with.
- Achieved through an extreme act of bravery.
- Acquired by going through military boot camp.
- Gained by getting yourself to think courageously.
All of these things are false. Extroverted people may find the path to courage sooner than others. But even the introverted person can overcome shyness and become courageous. Personality does not dictate how courageous a person is capable of becoming. The frequency in which a person faces what they fear does. The only difference between a cowardly and courageous person is their willingness to face and feel fear and still go forward anyway.
“Courage is being scared to death… and saddling up anyway.” – John Wayne
Here are some examples of how fear stops us in the areas of dating, mating, and love.
Approaching – How many times have you allowed fear to block you from smiling at, approaching, or talking to someone you were attracted to?
Asking – How many times have you not asked someone for a date or to do something with you because you were too afraid?
Showing Interest – How many times have you permitted fear to stop you from showing your interest in someone either directly or subtly?
Making Love Known – How many times have you let fear block you from telling someone you love them?
Asking the Big Question – How many times have you let fear stop you from asking someone to marry you or live with you?
The next time you have any of these opportunities, face and feel the fear and go forward anyway. After you’ve done it, your fear will begin to convert to courage. After you’ve done it several times, your courage will solidify and you’ll become skilled in that particular act.
You’ll need to repeat this process for every area you want to acquire courage. Courage is accumulative though. So it gets easier the more times you face and feel the fear and go ahead anyway. Eventually, it becomes a habit whose reward is courage and the things you want most!