When a romantic partner cheats on you, do you immediately see it as your fault or theirs? Either way, is your self-esteem damaged by his or her choice to be sexually or emotionally intimate with someone else?
The truth is that their cheating may or may “not” be your fault. In other words, it may have nothing whatsoever to do with you. Including any inadequacies, you see about yourself, real or not, that you may immediately obsess about.
Here are some possible reasons their cheating may “not” be your fault follow by reasons it may be your fault.
Reasons their cheating may “not” be your fault.
- You are incompatible in several key areas.
- You have fallen out of love with them.
- You have grown pass them.
- They are insecure.
- They have low self-esteem.
- They need or want sexual variety.
- They are not ready for or do not want a committed relationship.
- They use sex as an escape from some unresolved painful issue.
If it is your understanding that your relationship is exclusive, then none of the above reasons is justification or a good excuse for your partner to violate your trust and be sexually or emotionally intimate with someone else. This can become a very serious health and legal matter if your partner is being sexually disloyal while continuing to have sex with you because of the possibility of getting a sexually transmitted disease (STD).
Reasons their cheating may be your fault.
- You have let yourself go physically by becoming fat and out of shape.
- You have let yourself go psychologically by becoming emotionally weak.
- You have stopped improving yourself and are now in decline.
- You have become negative, bitter, and critical.
- You have become self-centered and/or narcissistic.
- You have lied and/or been deceitful.
- You have not meant their basic needs or requests (not their demands).
- You are not committed to the relationship — for whatever reason.
There are few things more emotionally painful than discovering that the person you are in love with has cheated on you. I’ve had it happen to me a few times. Each incident was as painful, if not more painful, than the last.
It’s important to your current situation and future relationships (force yourself if necessary) to rationally evaluate what happened to determine whether their cheating was your fault or not. If not, you may need to constantly remind yourself that it was not your fault until the pain passes. If you feel you are completely or partly to blame, use the pain to make positive personal changes. But do not focus on guilt and shame but rather a much better future relationship with them or, preferably, someone else. 🙂