There are some unique dangers for singles. Some of the most serious are trust rape, which includes date rape, and rape or molestation by a pedophile when a person is very young. Pedophile rape could be classified as a trust rape in that the approach is often similar.
Warning: This article is somewhat explicit. This is necessary so readers can effectively spot pedophile behavior.
I had an encounter with a pedophile who used the tactics of a trust rapist’s with me. I’m going to share my story with the intent that it may help those who are in a similar situation now or are dealing with an incident in the past. Here it is.
While I was in a Catholic boys’ home, age 15-17, I occasionally heard about incidents that I now understand as pedophile grooming activity. Grooming is where the pedophile works to gain the “trust” of his or her target victims by becoming their “friend.” There may also be activities that are meant (I suppose) to entice or manipulate the victim such as sexually provocative comments about masturbation or admiring one’s self nude in the mirror or suggesting or demanding stripping games or stripping punishment or observing or participating in showering routines by the pedophile. These are activities that I either observed or was told about by other resident boys.
I do not have any firsthand knowledge of any illegal pedophile events happening at the boys’ home. However, I do believe that grooming activities did occur with me and many others. Although I did not have anyone violate me, there was a calculated attempt.
One of the counselors in my unit (2 dorms) and I became friends, or so I thought. A couple of days before I was to leave the boys’ home, this counselor offered to take me to dinner off campus to celebrate my graduation. (I was able to do this because by then I had been promoted to a coveted position that allowed me to go off campus anytime I wanted.) He took me to a restaurant inside a hotel. After dinner, he told me he had gotten a room there for his day off, which counselors sometimes did, and suggested we go there to watch TV.
Keep in mind that a boy’s brain is not yet fully developed by 17 and his life experience is very limited. Therefore, his judgment on complex issues can be poor.
I did not think anything of it as we had watched TV in his room in the unit at the boys’ home a few times. When we arrived in the room, I sat in a chair and he sat on the bed with his legs extended on top. Then the pitch happened.
He said, “Why don’t you come over here and sit next to me on the bed.” I did not understand what was going on at the time, but I “felt” uncomfortable. I first said, “No, I’m comfortable where I am.” A couple of minutes later I asked him firmly but politely, since I had didn’t know for sure what was going on, to take me back to the boys’ home.
This man was no threat to me physically so a rape would have been highly improbable. However, he was a skilled pedophile “groomer,” as I later came to understand. I blew off the incident and he continued to be friendly. Although I remained cordial since I had no evidence of any bad intentions, I never fully trusted him again. He called me at home a few times after I left the boys’ home to see how I was doing but then he stopped calling. I never attempted to contact him.
One day about 25 years later, I received a phone call from him. (I don’t recall how he got my number.) He told me that he had recently moved to the same county as me and was now a “priest” at a hospital. He invited me to visit him at his apartment at the hospital. Purely out of curiosity, I accepted his invitation.
As a mature adult, I saw him in a completely different light. I found several of his comments to be creepy especially coming from a priest. His attitude toward me was so markedly different from when I was in the boys’ home it became clear to me later that the change was that I was no longer the “boy” he was attracted to. It was surreal and weird.
After reflecting on that visit, his intentions at that hotel that night became apparent. He was a pedophile, he had been grooming me, and he was making a well-calculated play on me just before I left the boys’ home.
After our visit at the hospital, I never saw or spoke to him again.
It’s important to understand that not all homosexuals are pedophiles. In fact, almost none of them are. The percentage of them who are pedophiles is probably less the heterosexual population. Pedophiles prey on children. Pedophiles take advantage and use children to satisfy their twisted and sick needs. Homosexuals are “not” wired to do that. They are more inclined to protect and nurture children.
If you “feel” uncomfortable with any comments or actions by a person who seems usually “attentive” and/or “attracted” to you, “trust” your instincts and leave immediately, end the relationship, and move on. If you’re unsure, talk to someone about it. If you are seriously concerned about a person’s inappropriate behavior or you are a victim, talk to a parent, person of authority, or a counselor at a rape crisis center.