Many people think that their most important relationship is the one they have with their girl/boy friend or spouse. If they don’t have one, they are constantly anticipating and working toward that end. They consider this romantic relationship to be central to their fulfillment and happiness.
This way of thinking places an unfair amount of responsibility for a person’s happiness on the other person. This mindset is selfish and immature. It is also the reason for many relationship problems.
Overcoming such ingrained behavior is a difficult challenge but not impossible. The key is to accept 100% responsibility for your own fulfillment and happiness. This starts by looking at the relationship you have with yourself. You see, the most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself.
If you have an unhealthy relationship with yourself it will reflect on how you handle a relationship with someone else. This is especially true of a romantic relationship where the impact is much greater.
In addition, if you have an unhealthy relationship with yourself it will manifest in how others treat you and what you are willing to put up with. In other words, you may not stand up for yourself and let people know when they are crossing your boundaries.
If you have these problems in your relationships you may suffer from one or more of these issues.
- Low self-confidence
- Poor self-image
- Lack of self-love
- Insecurity
- Timidity
- Fear being alone
At the beginning of my dating life, I suffered from low self-confidence and a poor self-image. Because of these issues, my choice of women was bad and I was often treated in ways that were far less than I deserved.
After I gained self-confidence and a positive self-image, everything changed. The women I chose were much higher quality and our relationships were much more even-handed and fulfilling.
Although it took some time and a few major accomplishments to develop a positive relationship with myself, these classic books were the genesis of getting me on the right track. They may be helpful to you as well. They are divided between those I read at the “start” of my dating life and those that I read “later.”
- Start
- How to Be Your Own Best Friend by Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz. (A life-changing favorite. Here’s my story. B.P.)
- I Ain’t Much, Baby– But I’m All I’ve Got by Jess Lair Ph.D. (Classic favorite. BP)
- New Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, M.D. (Opened my eyes. B.P.)
- Later
Work on your most important relationship first — the one you have with yourself. Make it a priority. Then you’ll attract a quality partner or enhance the romantic relationship you’re in now. You’ll also improve your other relationships and be happier in them.