I estimate that 60% of my romantic relationships with women have been a nightmare and 40% have been a pleasure. And of the 40%, only 10% were magnificent. Why?
Looking back it is quite easy to see. I choose to be with women with whom I was not compatible in several key areas. In addition, a few of them had serious character flaws or emotional problems. Had I devoted the time to carefully identify all the things I wanted and did not want in a woman the outcome would have been much better.
But there was another problem: my inability to break away from an incompatible and sometimes toxic relationship. I wrestled with a lack of confidence in my ability to find a better woman and a misguided belief that I could make the relationship better. Also, I did not want to go through the pain or discomfort of a breakup. Then after years of floundering, I finally figured out several key truths and the formula for success.
Here are the truths and the formula.
- Each new relationship is always better than the last. Keep that as motivation.
- Use the pain of a breakup to make positive changes. Take constructive advantage of this intense energy.
- The transition in ending a relationship is like breaking a bad habit. Just give it time to dissolve.
- Carefully identify the qualities I must have and must not have in a woman. Let this guide my choices.
- Join groups that represent my greatest passions. Best place for compatible lovers and friends.
- Get busy living while being open to new relationships. Relax, enjoy, and stay present.
- Be fearless in asking women for dates. Remember that rejections often have nothing to do with me.
- Tell women how I feel about them. It strengthens my character and plants seeds that may germinate later.
- Take a stand with my principles and preferences as issues arise. This builds understanding and weeds out undesirables.
- There are many articles (list) on this site that provide more details on the above nine (9) items.
Simple. Ahh… relief, relaxation, confidence. 🙂