Many times, especially when we’re inexperienced or rusty, we have the tendency to relax our principles and tastes to win over the person we are dating. Men will mold themselves into what they believe the woman wants to “get” her. Women will mold themselves into what they feel a man wants to “keep” him.
We may adjust our character and personality to get a prospective partner to like, love, or be intimate with us. We may do this unintentionally if lust, neediness, or ego is guiding us and not our principles. Any behavior that doesn’t honor our values will get us into trouble.
When you take a stand you are letting your date, friend, or relative know what you will and will not do based on your principles and goals. This may include setting boundaries or conditions for how you will or will not do certain things. Here’s a mild example.
If the person you’re dating (or friend) keeps you out later than you prefer, then you need to tell them the exact time you want to be home. If they cannot accommodate your request, then offer them an alternative schedule for getting together. If they can’t meet either, then it may be time to move on.
Here are some ways we can get into trouble if we don’t take a stand on our principles and goals.
Creates Conflict Within You
If you allow yourself to compromise your principles or goals to be liked or loved you’ll create conflicts within yourself. Even though your emotions may be urging you to do otherwise, allowing yourself to be pulled in a direction that does not align with your values and goals will ultimately lead to dissatisfaction and disappointment within yourself.
You may not feel or recognize it at first, but eventually, you will. It may only be a nagging feeling that you know deep inside you’re doing things that don’t meet your standards.
So why do we go forward anyway? We’re afraid we won’t find someone else. Or we’re afraid to be alone. It’s best to simply ignore these negative thoughts.
You Become Moldable
If you do not take a stand on your principles or goals in a dating or relationship-building situation, you’re leaving yourself open to being molded into the values and goals or lack of values and goals of another person.
If the person has strong principles and yours are weak or nonexistent, then that’s an opportunity to learn. However, the choice of which values are suitable for you is your decision. In other words, they become your values and not an extension of another person’s values.
You may eventually find that your principles parallel with your partner, but they should never be interdependent. If they were, then you are still being molded or even controlled by them.
Your Goals Are Sacrificed
When you are ignoring your principles to be liked or loved by another person, it’s likely that you’re also sacrificing your goals at the same time. In such a situation, the goals of your partner may become the priority in your relationship.
The goals of your partner may be positive or negative. Either way, you lose. If they are positive, you may feel good about helping, but in the end, you are left without the satisfaction of achieving your own goals. If they are negative, however, like staying high (on drugs), then you lose big!
Creates Conflict In Your Relationship
If you don’t take a stand on your values and goals from the start of dating or a relationship, the conflict within you will eventually erupt into conflict with your partner or friend. You won’t be able to ignore it forever.
Your internal navigation system will eventually reach your conscious mind. Your internal navigation system is your intuition. The database of your intuition is your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind contains all the learning and experiences of your life. Plus, I believe, it has the influences of your genetics and some innate human features like knowing right from wrong.
When your subconscious mind finally reaches your conscious mind and tries to put you back in alignment with your principles and goals, conflicts in your relationship will arise. The further you get away from your principles and goals, the more conflict there will be between you and your partner. Guaranteed!
Make the commitment to yourself to take a stand on your principles and goals right at the beginning of dating or relationship building no matter what! This means even if it risks that they may not like or love you or that they may get angry or walk away. If you have that amount of conviction, they will know you are serious and respond accordingly.
It may be hard at first, but soon you’ll develop the courage and skill to do it. The skill you acquire will partly be your ability to do it in a diplomatic and charming but firm way.
You do this and I assure you, you’ll feel good about yourself and your confidence will grow. You’ll also create conditions where you’ll more likely attract a quality partner and accomplish your goals. 🙂
Benefits When You Take a Stand
Confidence and conviction in principles and goals are sexy. It’s an aphrodisiac, especially for women. For me, it’s an aphrodisiac because I prefer intelligent, principled, and enterprising (but not aggressive) women.
When a person is being true to himself or herself in this regard, they are more successful in their relationships and career. They are also more congenial, attentive, and giving. Why does this happen? It happens because they have little or no internal or external conflicts with their principles and goals.