Popular psychology suggests that bad or unhealthy relationships can be fixed. Psychologists rely on the practice of helping people fix their relationships to make a living.
Counseling may help a troublesome relationship, but they can only do so much and go so far. Some relationships cannot be fixed no matter how much effort you put into them. Many were doomed from the start.
I have found that three factors predict the fate of a romantic relationship.
- Personal Development
If a couple has few things in common, especially in crucial areas like money, sex, and goals, their prognosis is dire. If a couple has many things in common, especially in the important areas, their prognosis is excellent!
If one or both partners are immature, which can be true at any age, their short-term prognosis is poor. They may grow up or gain maturity down the road, but their ability to do this together will be challenging. If both partners are mature, their prognosis is very good.
If one of both partners has emotional weaknesses or baggage, their prognosis is poor. If both partners are advanced in their personal development and they have no emotional or financial baggage, their prognosis is outstanding.
There comes a time when investing more time, effort, and money (if you’re in counseling) into fixing a relationship becomes absurd. The relationship is not fixable. It’s permanently broken or it was doomed from the start for the reasons mentioned earlier. To continue trying to fix it would be crazy.
Here are some signs that your unhealthy relationship may have reached a point of hopelessness.
- There is no sex.
- There is no love.
- There is no effort.
- There is no respect.
- There is no concern.
- There is no interest.
- There is no attention.
- There is no friendship.
- There is no communication.
Trying to fix an unhealthy relationship with many important pieces missing or destroyed is a waste of time. The frustration of trying to do so can also be damaging to your mental and physical health. Just accept its demise and move on!
The way in which you break up is crucial to how fast you will heal and move on. End your relationship with kindness and respect. Be sensitive to your partner’s pain even if you do not feel any yourself. Remind yourself and them that ending your unhealthy relationship is in the best interest of both of you.