Finding a perfect partner is not possible. However, there are partners who are much more perfect for you than others. The gulf between these two extremes can be huge, which makes the effort to find a quality match worthwhile. In comparison to those who are a poor match, a partner who aligns with your personality, values, and dreams will seem nearly perfect.
Finding a highly compatible partner is very important to most people. We may be motivated to do this when we recall the ugly fights we saw our parents get into, reports of nasty relationship conflicts from our friends, or our own history of battles with bad matches. Even with a considerable amount of motivation to avoid such outcomes, many of us continue to seek partners haphazardly. Here are some of the indiscriminate methods we use to find partners.
Fate & Religion
It is good to have hope, but relying on fate to bring you and your ideal partner together is likely to result in a very long wait. It may also result in you misjudging a person who you believe “fate” brought to you when in fact they are a dangerously poor match for you.
There are also religious doctrines that I’ve been told about that instruct followers to allow God, the Universe, or Higher Power to bring an ideal partner to them. I’m not going to dispute whether this is possible. But based on the history of “religious organizations” that often create their own definitions of matchmaking, I only suggest you carefully consider this before settling on this course of inaction. It is my understanding that God, the Universe, or Higher Power helps those who make their desires known and take courageous action toward achieving them.
Family & Friends
Allowing family and friends to play matchmaker is a practice that most of us have experienced at some point in our lives. These matches are rarely good. This happens because these well-meaning individuals are selecting people based on what they feel will be an ideal match for you and for them!
It’s impossible for anyone to select a partner for a friend, when they know the person they’re picking will also be in their life, who doesn’t do so with their own compatibility criteria in mind. In addition, their knowledge of your extensive lifelong created criteria of a perfect partner is limited at best.
I’ve never once been set up for a date by a family member or friend that resulted in a good match. In fact, they were usually a disaster. I was often surprised by the severity of the mismatch. Eventually, I figured it out and politely refused all future invitations.
I’m a big fan of online matchmaking services because of the sophistication of their matching methods and their vast pool of participants. Never before have we had such an incredible way to bring about quality matches until the Internet was invented.
There are two weaknesses of online matchmaking services though. First, a company’s matching criteria (or algorithm) may not accurately align with what you want and need. Secondly, that thing called “chemistry” cannot be coded into any computer software. Only the immense capability of your brain and subconscious mind can make that assessment when you meet them in person.
Devote as much time as you need to precisely identify the qualities, characteristics, and attributes you want most and least in a partner. This would include everything from personality traits to physical attributes to future aspirations. Then review this list daily until it is firmly implanted in your mind.
Once you’ve done this you will be able to effectively recognize quality matches as you encounter them, online matchmaking services that align with your criteria, and individuals who satisfy your chemistry needs when you meet them.