There are many possible reasons why a person is not getting dates, but these are some of the most frequent causes.
You’re Too Eager
Acting too eager is a turn-off, especially for women. Women are attracted to confidence, not eagerness.
Men may go for an overly eager woman, but they will rarely want her for a long-term or permanent relationship. Some men will interpret her eagerness as a sign that she may be loose.
Having an attitude of indifference, as to the outcome of your request for a date, works best.
You’re Too Anxious
Shyness is okay. Many people think it’s charming. But acting overly nervous makes the other person uncomfortable.
The solution is developing courage. There is only one way to get it in each particular area. You get by doing what you’re afraid to do even if you’re scared to death. Then you get the courage.
Deeply seeded fears may require that you face them repeatedly. Each time you do, you’ll get a little more courage. Then one day you’ll notice that your fear has been replaced by confidence.
Your Approach is Fake
Putting on an act is a huge turn-off. Trying to impress someone by pretending to be someone you’re not is unattractive.
Men seem to be guiltier of this behavior than women are. Immaturity and/or low self-esteem are usually the cause.
Alcohol plays a leading role in creating this behavior in both men and women. Along with false courage, alcohol tricks a person into believing they are more than they truly are. Try going to a nightclub or on a date without drinking alcohol. I dare you. You’ll find that you have a “clear” advantage.
Your best strategy is to be yourself, which offers countless benefits.
Your Attitude is Negative
If you have a sour attitude how can you possibly expect to attract a partner? Not only is your outward expression unappealing, but your negative internal expectations will lead you to the outcome that you’re imagining. This is known as the Law of Attraction. For more information see the list of recommended books under the category “Law of Attraction.”
To get dates, you must have a mindset that a new dating partner is just around the corner. Your attitude should be one of positive expectation that you’ll attract a new relationship soon.
You Don’t Know What You Want
By not having a clear idea of what you want in a partner, you’ll be approaching your mission aimlessly. Because of this, you’ll likely find yourself in unsatisfying relationships that are full of conflict.
Devote some time to the crucial task of precisely defining the type of woman or man you want to date. Describe their personality, values, and physical attributes. Review this information often to establish a detailed image of your ideal partner in your subconscious mind. Then your subconscious mind will constantly be working behind the scenes to guide you to the right person and away from those who don’t match your criteria.
If you need some help with identifying your perfect partner, there is a very comprehensive yet simple system for doing this in my book, “Finding the One Who’s Right.”
You Have Bad Breath
Bad breath is often unknown to the person who has it. This is especially true for smokers who are usually oblivious to how bad their breath smells.
The things that cause bad breath in your mouth are hard to detect. There is often no pain or soreness in the mouth. A person with severe bad breath, which is usually caused by periodontal (gum) disease, can have bleeding gums and loose teeth. Many other dental and periodontal problems can produce bad breath.
The good news is that the solution to eliminating bad breath is often simple. Go see a dentist, and tell him/her your concerns. You may only need a good cleaning and some oral hygiene instructions.
How do you determine if you have bad breath? The quickest way is to blow into your hand and smell it. If you’re still not sure, ask a close friend if they have noticed a problem. Another way to tell is by closely observing or recalling people’s reactions as you talk with them at close range. Do/did they cringe a bit and move away from you? If so, you may have bad breath.
For more information, read: “Bad Breath: How to Eliminate & Prevent It.”
Your Grooming Needs Attention
If your hair, beard, and nails are not clean and trimmed, you’re hurting your chances of finding quality dating partners. In addition to being trimmed, your hair should be styled.
Carefully consider whether your current hairstyle does the most to enhance your appearance. Are you styling your hair the same way you have since high school or still adhering to rules you learned from your parents? If so, break free and find a style that suits you today.
Your hairstyle is one part of your look that can dramatically change your appearance. For both men and women, I often recommend that they seriously consider wearing their hair longer. Long hair is usually a sexy look. If you’re a guy with thinning hair, then short can be a cool look as well.
The point with hair and grooming is to use it to change, update, and enhance your appearance.
Your Weight is Getting in The Way
You’re overweight, you know it, and you feel bad about it. This will not only hurt your confidence but also your ability to get dates with the ones you truly want.
If you are a person who is attracted to slim and trim men/women, then you need to lose that extra weight and get fit. Once you do, you’ll gain a great deal of confidence and attract a person of the same fitness and self-esteem level.
I should point out that although being overweight is usually unhealthy, some men and women like big partners. There are also those who are okay with their large size and prefer partners who are the same. This is fine. Friendship, love, and companionship are what matter most.
Your Wardrobe Needs Updating
You can’t attract a good match without the proper attire. You need to look good. Wearing outdated and worn-out clothes and shoes will not get you the dates you want.
Get a few outfits that you really like and feel confident wearing them. Make sure they are up to date. To learn about current fashion, search online or visit a few high-end clothing stores. Don’t get me wrong though. You don’t need to spend a lot of money. Your goal is to learn what’s available, gain some inspiration for creating your own look, and make some smart purchases.
Tip for Women: Classy and subtly sexy attire is good. Over-the-top, super daring, nasty sexy will not attract quality men with admirable intentions. You’ll likely get attention, but if you could read the minds of those who look you’d probably be disgusted. Female movie and rock stars can get away with it because they live in the unreal world of celebrity.
You’re Not Asking or Being Alluring
If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. Finding a willing partner to date is a numbers game. You have to ask quite a few people out before you find a match.
Most of the asking is done by men, which many men prefer including me. There are men who like to be asked out for a date and some even prefer it. I believe, however, that most men want to do the asking.
To get dates, men need to develop the courage to ask as opportunities present themselves. As mentioned earlier, the only way to develop courage is by doing what you fear. You’ll probably be awkward at first, I certainly was, but eventually, you’ll be smooth. And the number of women who say “Yes.” will increase. 😀
Women need to encourage the opportunity to be asked by making themselves noticeable and by “subtly” showing their interest. This is where women need to develop courage. Many women are highly skilled in this area. For those who are not, here’s what I’ve observed and been allured by.
Skilled women will position themselves in a particular environment and situation so the man they want to date will see them. They, of course, will look their best during these activities. They also show their interest by approaching the man and engaging him in some intelligent and carefully selected light conversation. Tip: I recommend very subtle flirting, if at all, otherwise you risk representing yourself in a way that gets attention but not respect.
You’re Giving Up Too Easily
After two people turn down your request for a date (men) or your alluring tactics (women), you give up. There are far too many possibilities to give up so soon.
If you haven’t had any luck after 10 attempts, then maybe you should take a break and evaluate your method and yourself. It could simply be that you’re still working through that awkward stage that we all go through. If so, consider the first 10 as trials for learning, and the next 10 as serious business. Tip: Do not conduct the trials on your most important targets. And be sure to do them in a kind way that leaves the person uplifted.
You’re Not In The Game
If you’re staying at home most of the time and not getting out, your odds of getting dates are almost zero. You have to get involved in things you enjoy.
Nightclubs and singles dances are usually thought of as the best places to find dates. Although both of these venues will certainly have many unattached singles, I don’t recommend them as the best place to find a good match.
The best place to find a good match is where the activities you are most passionate about are happening. Find a person who shares your greatest passion and you instantly have a solid foundation for a strong relationship. It is also probable that you’ll have other common interests and similarities.
Get involved in the activities that inspire you most and then let nature take its course. If that includes going to nightclubs and singles dances, then add them to the mix but don’t make them your only resource.
It can be very frustrating when you’re going through a long period of not getting dates. I know, I’ve been there. If you’re going through one of these now, I recommend taking a break. Use this time to reflect, do a self-appraisal, and begin having fun on your own for a while.
Instead of driving yourself crazy trying to get dates, take yourself out. Go out to dinner. See a movie or a play. Go to a museum, trade show, or concert. Go on a weekend adventure. Take a vacation. You’ll know when it’s time to get back into the game.